jy sau cMdw augvih sUrj cVih hjwr ] |
| eyqy cwnx hoidAW gur ibnu Gor AMDwr ]2] |
"if a hundred moons were to rise, and a thousand suns to grow, even then, with all this light, without guru, there would be darkness."
At that instant, I gracefully bowed my head wanting to feel the presence of Satgur. I remember wanting to PHYSICALLY HUG some sort of creation Guru.
..but i couldn't.
I remember wanting to describe to Satinderpal in words what I was feeling..
but the immensity of it all couldn't be put into mere words.
All I could do was cherish this feeling inside me, and keep it to myself until I had found the right words to utter the sheer joy, yet complex nature of my feelings.
Later that night, I was chatting with a friend from Texas, and she sent me a Shabad. Upon hearing it, I instantly fell in love with the words, for they were the only words that could even come close to what I was feeling.
pRB imlby kau pRIiq min lwgI ]
Prabh Milbae Kauo Preet Man Laagi.
"The Loving Desire to meet my Beloved has arisen within my mind."
Although this translation does not suffice to the emotions felt by this poor heart of mine, it does come close to describing what I feel at the moment. I really do want to meet the Guru. I really do want to touch and feel, and engulf myself in such a divine being that I no longer have to look further for fulfillment.
I find it amusing that one day, all I see is the divine in every person i come across.. and then other days i just feel like there's so much missing. And that 'something' is somewhere else.
I don't know why I search, when I know that everything I need is right here. Right now.
Kudrat. right? the Creator is within it's creation.
Every time I read Gurbani, the words speak to me, and I completely forget about everything I'm doing and my attention becomes focused on those words. Those words are not something that make me forget about the world around me, they make me contemplate about the very things that exists. About WHY they exist. Each Shabad, each Raag evokes different thoughts, different reasons, different feelings.
For example, every time I do Anand Sahib, I feel nothing but pure joy. Sometimes.. when I'm starting Anand sahib it feels peculiar to start it off by saying 'anand paya meri Maaeh.."
Because at times, i DO want to share the way I feel about Gurbani, about the feelings of bliss get, the feelings of bhairaag with my mom. I do want to call out to my mom and say, 'mom. I can't believe how amazing and content i feel right now.."
As i continue reciting Anand Sahib thereafter, this elevated feeling of euphoria takes over me and all those sorrows- all that I worry and become frantic about throughout the day-just goes away.
I've yet to experience anything else like it. I am SO thankful that I have something like this to soothe me in such a beautiful way.
'till the next epiphany dear blog, good day.
